Could I Really Be Done?

Do I want another baby right now?

Absolutely not! But am I done forever?

I really can't tell you yes without my heart pulling me the other way.

I just finished packing up all of Kade's newborn and 0-3 month clothes and I wanted to cry. Maybe it's because they are so close but I can't come to terms with my baby being gone when I am 44!

Maybe this will happen if I have 20.

Is it just part of being a mom?

Letting go?

I really don't know, but I do know I don't like this feeling.

How will I be when I send Krew to kindergarten? and then Kade 1 short year later. Don't even get me thinking about sending them to college one right after the other.

Did I ever imagine yet alone plan to have my boys 15 months apart?

No.

So I guess what that means is life isn't planned, and if in 3 years from now my heart is still yearning for more.......

Then I will have to convince my husband.

Until then one of my lucky friends will be receiving big boxes full of tiny clothes....

Except for maybe a few: Which I will keep for me....to hang onto forever.

~New Year, New Me~

That dreaded time again: New Years Resolutions

I really don't like making them, but decided I don't like making them because I never stick to them. I really have a few things I want to accomplish this year so I'm doing it. I'm jumping on the band wagon and setting my goals. I read somewhere that if you make them public you are more likely to stick to them. So here they are:

~#1 Drink Starbucks only once a week.

~ Reason is because I think I spend way too much money! I don't ever just buy myself a drink. I always get one for a co-worker or my mom too. And getting one every day but 1 adds up to about $60 a week! Can you believe that? Ugh

~ #2 Loose the baby weight (from both pregnancies)!

~ After I had Krew I feel like the majority of it melted off! I didn't have to work for the first 20 pounds. I will say I was pregnant in July so lots was water weight and that explains why I left the hospital 15 lbs. lighter. The next 5 were gone in about 3 weeks and then I had to start working on it. When I got pregnant with Kade I still had 10 pounds of Krew left one me, so I already started in a bad place. So needless to say I have about 25 pounds to loose to get to my Pre-Krew weight! I think if I follow through with # 1 it should help with #2.

~ #3 Be debt free by this time next year!

We can do it, I know we can. I made a budget the other night and was appalled by how much we spend on silly things like Starbucks, Monsters, eating out, and worst of all baby clothes. I hate to say it but I think Krew and Kade could both easily go 2 months without wearing the same thing twice. They don't because of course I have my favorite outfits I put them in but they could.... Let me clarify what I mean by debt free. Obviously we will still have a house payment and car payment, but I would like to have our 1 credit card paid off (it's so close), Hospital paid off by June, and I would like to have enough money saved to do some house projects, and get Seth a truck that will fit our family! lol

I think I'll leave it at that! I know those are some big goals but might as well shoot for the stars!

{Laundry}

I dread it.

I despise it.

I would pay someone weekly to do it.

I always forget it in the washer, so I have to rewash it.

Or leave it in the dryer so it gets wrinkly.

There are times when I am so on top of it, I do a load every night. Then there are times like right now.

As I was leaving for work this morning I hear Seth yell, "Do I have any clean underwear?"

I stop in my tracks and think do I lie and tell him yes then run out the door? No, this is something I must fess up to. I reply, "Yes they are in the washer." Well, wet underwear are apparently not what he had in mind. Frustrated he asks how long they've been in there. I again think tell the truth or stretch it? I mutter, "Umm a day.....Ok never mind you might want to rewash those."

So needless to say Seth is spending the day doing laundry and he told me I will be folding them when I get home. This brings me to my next point.

Folding Laundry

Though this is one of my most dreaded chores while I am doing it I can't help but smile. I smile because every little outfit I fold has a memory attached to it. I was folding the brown and green footie jammies the other day and smiled as I pictured my poo bear learning how to jump in them.

I folded Kader's sack Jammies and pictured him sleeping on his daddy's chest.

I guess I'll take the laundry, because it is attached to my boys and everything they are.

Off to begin folding the mountains ahead of me.....

~2 Years ago today~

Seth.

He is my one true love.

My Best Friend.

The father of my two beautiful boys.

If you asked me when I first met him if I knew I was going to marry him I would yell from the roof tops........

NO!

I bet you didn't see that one coming did you? He was a young crazy boy who wanted to do nothing but party and meet as many girls as possible. That's when I entered the scene.

3 years older than him we both had our own mission with each other. Mine was to get this crazy kid to calm down and pick a path in life. His was to get me to loosen up and have a little fun while I was still young.

We met somewhere in the middle.

After what one might call a crazy ride (Marine corps, ex boyfriends, new girlfriends, broken promises, lust and then finally love) we ended the roller coaster with a trip the Orange county court house and promised to be together FOREVER.

I didn't make that decision as lightly as it might sound. It took months and months of him trying to convince me and then when I went out to visit him I knew. I just knew he was it for me. All I could imagine was my life without him and when I tried to do that I saw NOTHING. When I imagined my life with him I saw exactly what I am living right now.

~Perfection~

This was not what happened 2 years ago today this was our own wedding in California with just us and the man who signed the papers.

2 years ago today we wed in front of our family and friends in -22 degrees.

My handsome Marine stood in front of 200 guests and waited for me; his wife to join him as we wed in front of all to see. We wanted our "wedding" because I needed the white dress, but more importantly I needed to hear the words "What god has joined, let no man separate." I'm not a religious person but every wedding I have ever attended I get chills when I hear the pastor say those simple words.

We live by those words...

So here we are 2 years later 2 beautiful baby boys, a house, and 2 dogs.

This is what I imagined......

~Perfection~

Paying it Forward

When having the dreaded what do you want for Christmas conversation with my husband I could NOT think of anything I needed.

Yes, I am now a mom and I have the need vs. want concept down.

I thought about clothes and decided why in the world would I want to buy clothes in the size I am post baby? Nope scratch that. Personal trainer? Nope, I can get my self in shape then have a trainer help this spring if I still need it.

He was getting quite impatient with me until about 2 weeks ago I saw an email on my work email talking about a little girl who only wanted a "butterfly" shirt for Christmas. The sender was asking for any hand me downs in the little girls size to help her get through the cold winter.

MY HEART BROKE! Guilt is probably the best way to describe how I felt. Minutes before I had been on Gap.com buying my boys all the cute new styles, and all this little girl wanted was a butterfly shirt. I didn't think twice before I called Seth and said I know what I want....

He told me how much he was planning on spending on me and I said ok thanks, consider it spent. I didn't want to do it all for just one person so that night we were laying in bed and I asked who/what else should we do......

This is where the fun began: We talked about sending packages to some deployed friends when I got my bright idea! What about their families? I have been a Marine Corps wife and I know how lonely it can be when your guy is deployed. I know all these ladies are so unselfish and want nothing but their guy to be taken care of, but I know they need have a little bright light too. We picked two of our Marine families and got a few things to brighten their holidays. I am putting the packages in the mail today and cannot wait for them to get them! Oh and did I mention both these families have kids who are away from their daddies so we can be free? That is a little hero to me.

So this Christmas I will be smiling from ear to ear thinking that just maybe I made someone else have a Merry Christmas.

My crazy beautiful life.

So my mom and I were talking about all my funny stories about raising 2 boys (3 if you count seth) and she told me I needed to write a book. Well I'm pretty sure they are only funny to my close family and friends so I decided a blog would be much more appropriate! So I guess what I think I am going to do is when something happens that I just HAVE to share with people I will post it here! I think my mommy friends will enjoy these stories, and my friends who are thinking of adding to their family will either jump on the wagon or go running for the hills. For those of you who just happened to stumble on here I recently became a mom of 2 boys. They are exactly 15 months apart and no it wasn't planned that way, but I wouldn't have it any other way!