{To Helmet or Not to Helmet}

I have been going back and forth with this decision.

Our PT doesn't think it is necessary, because she feels Kade's head isn't as bad as I think it is.

So what to do.

You're probably wondering what the heck I'm talking about well......

With Kade's Torticollis he doesn't turn his head both ways, so one side of his head is flattening.

With this one cheek isn't filling out as much, and one eye is a little smaller than the other.

Many people don't notice it, but I do.

Maybe I do because as a mom you look at every inch of you baby all the time.

Maybe it's because it is noticeable.

What the helmet does is put pressure on the side of the head that is pushing out, and its open on the flat side.

With this the head should round back out.

Many people say just keep his hair long.

Well, if you know me, you know Krew gets his hair cut about every other week.

I don't like long hair on boys, and have very strong opinions on it.

In short I feel people act they way they are kept. You dress like a slob you act like a slob. You wear your hair like a punk you act like one. You dress for success you are successful. I know when I get ready for work in the morning I keep this thought in my head when I'm tempted to pull my hair up in a wet pony tail.

I know petty, but something I feel. Same reason my boys will NEVER get their ears pierces, their hair colored, or grow it out. Not until they are 18 at least.

So back to my great debate. Have my baby wear a helmet for a few months and then be normal again. Let me inform you these helmets are not covered by insurance, and cost around $3,000...Yikes.

Or have a little odd shape to our head that may self correct as he grows stronger and moves more.

{Easter}.... and sickness

What a beautiful day.

I woke up to Krew, "mommy, daddy, unny (bunny)"

We had a long talk about how in the morning a bunny would bring him treats for being so amazing.

Apparently he thought there would be a bunny.

We rushed in with his Easter basket and his face was priceless.

He ripped everything out one at a time told us what it was then went on.

Until.....

"COLORS!!!"

This boy is obsessed with coloring right now.

We also got him an easel, but he hasn't see it yet. :-)

Then my poor sweet baby is so sick he has been coughing all night. I think he is worse than yesterday, but everyone assures me the coughing is good, because he is getting the junk out of his chest.

We have been up every night from about 2-4 crying, nebulizing, changing diapers, getting tylenol, and all to no relief.

Having a sick child is by far the WORST part of being a mom. If there was something I could do to take it away I would in a heart beat.

The saddest part is his tilt gets SO much worse when he is sick, and I was warned about this. It's part of doing what is comfortable.

His PT assured me that taking time off from his exercises won't hurt, and he just needs to get better, but it is so hard not stretching him.

On the bright side though his brother was giving him all of his Easter basket goodies, and he kept cracking up. (In between the coughing.)

Well once nap time is over we'll wake daddy up, head to grandma and papa's for egg hunting, dinner, and then my Easter present is a movie with my mom and sister. (I truly cherish these moments, and hang on to them with the tightest grip.)

May all of you have an AMAZING Easter, and remember to thank God for all he has given us.

These Moments

That kind of night.

If this were a day before Krew and Kade it would look like this.

Drive home

Crawl under covers

Have a good cry

Get up, glass of wine, and sappy movie.

Did something traumatic happen today?? No.

I think its a mix between the lack of sunshine and the end of the year.

People truly have no idea how much stress teachers go through.

It might look like we're getting excited because we really have a little over a month of school left, but inside we are freaking out.

Did I meet this standard?

Are my kids ready for 3rd grade?

What are my kids next year going to be like?

Oh shit I just got them where I want them and now I get to start all over again.....

Just a few thoughts that go through our heads.

Then to top it off one of my dear friends from work was offered another position, and while I am so excited for her I am sad for myself. For our school.

She is by far one of the most amazing teachers I have ever met. She goes above and beyond all the time, and we all look to her for advice, and help. I worry however that when everyone looks to one person it can become too much.

I sit here and cry as I think about helping her pack up her classroom. Not seeing her amazing kids every day, and not hearing her hilarious parenting advice on our lunch time drives.

Her style of parenting is so untraditional, yet I think she should raise everyones children until they are at least 10. She is her kids' best friend, and you can see it in so many ways. I mean what other 18 year old girl spends her senior ditch day with her mom? And what 14 year old boy still confides in his mom and admits his wrongs? And her sweet Kylee such a fireball, yet still so little. I will miss her more than I can put into words, but I know what it is like to want something else.

On to the next bummer part of the day.... sick kids yet again. This time Kade has RSV which is one of the most contagious sicknesses a little one can have, so yep just planning on Krew getting it too. Oh summer please hurry up so all these nasty bugs will go away!

Anyway enough with the negative on to the positive.....

This is not a day before Krew and Kade this is present time. Instead of crawling under my covers I got to give baths, read night time stories, snuggle, and now for bed....at 8, because I'm sure tomorrow will come long before I'm ready. Loving life and all of its ups and downs because I have these two amazing little souls.

{Challenges}

I feel like every way I turn this week there is a wall in front of me.

I can't keep my house clean

I haven't made it to the gym

I pass my husband on my drive to work. (occasionally we meet in a parking lot in between for a quick kiss and I love you.)

I have had a hell of a week at work

I don't know if I belong or even want to anymore.

Is it this time of year.

Are all teachers on edge, or just me?

I've always wanted to teach low income students. In fact when I first started I wanted so bad to teach at an inner city school.

Now I'm lost.

I wish so bad I had parent support, kids that didn't come to school hungry, and not so many sad stories.

Now let me remind you I DO have some great parents, families, and KIDS.

If I won't teach them who will? Do they get a new teacher every 4 years when another one gets burnt out?

What kind of person cares about their own happiness so much that they abandon these kids?

I don't think I can do it. Right when I think about bailing off ship I remember I may be the only stable thing in some of these kids lives.

I am more than a teacher to them. I am their friend, someone they can trust, someone they can feel safe with, and someone who they can confide in. I will continue to be here with them , and if I get asked to interview somewhere else. I will probably say no thank you, and return to my daily business. Besides who gets to work with their best friends every day?

{1/2 a year}

Dear Tater,

What an amazing 6 months you have given me. I can't believe it was a half a year ago that I held you in my arms for the first time. I cannot begin to tell you what you have done to me. Because of you sweet baby my heart has grown bigger than I ever thought it could. You have had a few challenges in your 6 months, but have always showed me how strong you are. You do your exercises with me like a trooper, and your little neck is getting stronger every day! You are very smart too. When you see Dedria your PT your cry instantly, so when we go to PT I keep your back to her the entire time. Its funny how she does the exact same exercises, but when you see her you get so upset, but when you see me you smile the entire time.

You slept through the night for about a month, and now wake up ALOT. I think its because you miss me during the day :-) You have started to go to Alicia's with your big brother more often, and I think you really like it. On days you go to her house you are always asleep by 7, and sleep much better. I think Grandma holds you all the time ;-). That's what Grandma's do though so I can't blame her!

Your big brother is your best friend. You see him and your eyes light up. I can see how much you love him, and guess what? he loves you too. Every morning he wakes up and asks for you....or Riley. It's funny to think that a few short months ago when you would see him your eyes would blink 100 times a minute because you were so worried he'd hit you!

Well sweet baby boy I hope you have an amazing day! Please don't be mad at me when we get your shots this afternoon. It's to keep all those nasty bugs away. I promise I won't get you the flu shot.

Love you more than you know Tater

XOXOXOX,

Mommy

Goal 1 met.....

Today I reached my Pre-Kade weight.
Since I started working out at Prana I have lost 12 pounds of baby weight, and gained a bunch of confidence in myself that was lost in being a mom.
This is exciting, yet not really! lol

See when I got pregnant with Kader I still had 8 Krew pounds left, and I wanted to lose another 5-10.
So here is a small celebration, to meeting one small goal, and hopefully the next 1 by my 27th birthday!
I'm feeling very motivated due to an amazing friend who cooks chicken with me every day for lunch, eats a protein bar with me every morning, and checks in to see if I'm on my way to the gym every night.
That to me is truly a best friend. Someone who can motivate me, without making me feel bad.
I am forever grateful to her!

A Million Miles an Hour

I just can't stop my brain this week
I'm thinking about the most crazy things, and when I think back on it it's this time of year.
Something about Spring makes me laugh, cry, smile, and get sad all over again.
I've really tried to focus on positive memories instead of the sad ones, but if you know much about me 2 Springs ago my life took a strange unexpected turn, and I can't stop thinking about that spring....
So maybe just maybe if I write down my positive spring memories they will be more engraved...
Spring is: green, sunny, and just the right temperature.
The start of fishing, and exploring.
My first homecoming with Seth, and OUR wedding.
California beaches, and Wyoming streams.
Long trips to the park, and smiling kids.
BBQ's with friends, longer days, and countdown of school days.
Walking across half-acre in Laramie, graduation.
Old immature love/lust
tanning in 70 degrees
windows down

I love spring I can't help it.....

Germs, Germs Go AWAY!

So this past week has been one full of bugs in the Wheeler house! Kade is on antibiotics, and Nebulizer, Krew is on Antibiotics, Nebulizer, and Steroids.

The other night Krew had a 103 fever, that we could not break! Needless to say I slept on his floor, with my hand on his chest all night.

Kader is fever-less, but has the nastiest cough. We are lucky in the sense that he doesn't fight his nebulizer at all, but he hates taking his antibiotics.

Well I guess this sums up my week...... bring out the clorox!