Balance...Or just juggling

The biggest fear of a mother of 1 is how will I love another one. Well it just happens. I'm not going to say it happens right away, because it most certainly did not for me. I loved Kade the minute they laid him on my chest, but I will be honest I have never been in so much pain in my entire life, so it was hard for me to think about anything but the pain. I was shaking uncontrollably and couldn't believe that had just happened.

(For those of you that don't know I was admitted to the hospital at 11:50, my water broke at midnight, and Kade was here at 12:06. So as you have probably figured there was no pain meds involved.)

I laid in my hospital room that first night holding my new baby, but my mind was with my other baby. It wasn't for any other reason than he had no idea we left. He went to bed and would wake up to us gone at grandma there. I didn't know how he would react to this, and didn't want his first baby experience to be a bad one.

I laid there and checked the time every 5 min until 6 when I woke Seth up and asked him to go home before Krew woke up. I think he was worried about the same thing, because he shot up and left. He brought Krew back at 9.....here it was the test. He was very interested in the baby until his papa held him. Then he wanted that baby gone and wanted his Papa to hold him. Well if you know my dad you know Krew has him wrapped around his finger so he picked him up and showed him his little brother. That was when I know it was all going to be alright.

Everyone was right! It does just happen.

I feel like that was the moment I opened my heart and let it swell.

Since then there have been many tears, many moments of what was I thinking, how will I do this, and this is amazing.

I think I've finally 3 months later got it figured out. I know how to love them both and get in time with both of them. Krew and I have our special time first thing in the morning, our drive to work, drive home, and at home while we're waiting for Kade. Kade and I spend our nights making each other smile long after Krew has gone to bed.

They are my world and I wouldn't have it any other way.