Tonight we celebrated little Kader's birthday.
It was not your normal 1st birthday.
I have been very selfish with Kade. This is no joke.
I felt like with Krew I let everyone in. I let everyone have a special relationship with him.
Not Kade. He is mine.
This may sound weird, and I don't know why I am this way with him. Probably because he is the baby.
When we started planning his big first birthday party I made it very clear it would be family and a very small amount of friends.
Mostly friends who have kids so Krew and Kade could have some play mates.
So tonight I watched my baby play with the big kids like he belonged, and I guess he did.
Now I sit here and think back on the last year.....
I will start by saying this has by far been the hardest year of my life.
I never imagined having two babies under two would be so incredibly hard.
I can't count how many times I broke down and cried because I didn't know what to do.
I did this with just Krew, but adding a newborn into the mix while still trying to teach a baby/toddler is beyond overwhelming.
I made more mistakes than I would like to admit.
I neglected my husband more than I should have.
I neglected myself.
I have learned to live on coffee and I feel grateful for 6 solid hours of sleep.
I now know what it is like to feel completely helpless while watching your baby go through physical therapy 2 times a week, then 1 time a week, then every other, and finally being able to celebrate graduating.
I can now tell you I sat in the car and cried for a good five minutes every time we finished, and then cried tears of joy on that final day.
Moving on to Rewarding.....
The final 2 sentences in the above section might seem like it belongs here, but that was not my accomplishment. That was his. He tolerated the hours of therapy, he wore the helmet, he did it not me.
I do take pride in having the two most unique, loving, smart, handsome boys I know.
It has been beyond rewarding to watch them learn to love, learn to play, and most importantly learn to be brothers. Krew has been nothing short of amazing, and Kade has been.... well a little brother. He follows Krew around and imitates everything he does. They play peek-a-boo, chase, and even wrestle. They are best friends and that I am proud of.
This year has truly been a blessing. I did not plan it this way, but hey I don't really believe we are in charge. That is why every night when I hold that baby that gave me so many scares, sleepless nights, and smiles I whisper in his ear, "God gave me you." I beleive that with everything I am.
I know life will not get any easier. I know there are going to be challenges at ever age, but I am also beyond excited to spend these years with them. Growing as a family, as a person, and most importantly a mom.
