Today I Noticed

I think we all get in the habit of wishing days away.
We are constantly looking forward to the next instead of living in the moment.
I am the queen of this.
16 days until Christmas break...
But everyday I challenge myself to notice something amazing about the day.
I challenge myself to live in the moment.
Some days this is really easy and others it is one of the most challenging parts of my day.

Today was an especially easy day to notice.
This morning I noticed a husband who had both boys dressed and ready before I woke up.
I had eggs, an avocado, and coffee waiting for me when I got out of the shower.
I had a baby with a puffy little face and a little guy who was rocking out in the kitchen while his dad was cooking him breakfast.
It is so easy to get stressed with the everyday busy schedule of a working mom, but today I took a deep breath and was thankful for an amazing life.
Today I noticed. 

Trav

Last Friday we received a phone call.
The one with a number that looks familiar but your not sure where.
The one that you know brings some news.
The one that says someone is gone forever.
It hit hard and it fast.
It didn't matter that we haven't seen him in 3 years.
What mattered was we would never see him again.
Never hear his laugh.
What mattered was for the last 3 years he'd been talking about coming to see us and we'd been talking about going to see him.
We will be going tomorrow.
Too little too late.

When I think about losing a friend there are no words. The last person I knew personally and was close to that passed away was my Grandpa... I was 6.
So to say that I do not know how to handle this is an understatement.
I look at my husband who has lost more friends in the past 2 years than I care to share and I realize how amazingly strong he is.
I look around at my family and friends and realize I don't want to go 3 years before I see them and then it be too late.
I realize I need to hug my babies more and worry about dishes less.
I need to have girls nights and laugh with the beautiful people I surround myself with.
I need to travel and see my friends who I am not lucky enough to live close to.
I need to continue to date my husband.
I need to live and I need to grow old because as they say it is a privilege denied to many.

So tomorrow when we drive 14 hours to Yakima WA we will be jamming out to a Trav mix that I'm sure will make me laugh, make me cry, and probably make me curse his choice of music.
We will share memories with some of the most amazing people I know and we will most likely be forced to have a shot of Yukon Jack. But most of all I will laugh because that is what he would want.

TWO

Dear Kader,
Can you believe that you are two?? These past years have absolutely flown by. I honestly don't even know what to say about you my baby boy. You are a million different things rolled into one. You are one of the meanest sweetest little boys I know. Let me explain.... You react impulsively and have a terrible temper. (Thank Grandpa and Dad) This being said you hit, bite, and scream often. Sometimes I am convinced that you aren't even sure why you do it.  However you hate to see people you love hurt. Your brother is very sensitive, and when you see him cry you do whatever you can to help your Krew. This is often the reason of your not so sweet behaviors. The other day Hope made your brother cry and you weren't so kind to her in the after math. You ask me for "nuggles" all the time and hold on tight if only for a split second.
Your smile is by far the best smile on the face of the planet. You smile so big your dimples shine and your eyes disappear. You light up my life with that smile. You are a dancing fool and always ask to "move it." When we drive to school in the morning you always tell me and your brother to dance. Talk about an amazing way to start even the grumpiest days.  Your big brother is your best friend, but you also love to play with Maddux and you ask about every other day to go to his house. You like to fight over Ben and Mo and who they belong to. Krew always explains that they are both of yours. I can't wait to see your reaction when they have kids of their own! Your main goal in life is to grow big and strong like daddy so you clean your plate most of the time. Have I mentioned yet how incredibly smart you are? You know how old you are and yell it for the world to know. You have learned your colors and most of your shapes. Your vocabulary is out of this world and impresses me every day. To say the least Kade I thank God every day he gave me you.
Mommy loves you to the moon and back sweet boy. Happy Birthday.

Life Lessons

While on pinterest the other day I saw this quote and it really struck a cord with me.

I believe as a parent you try so hard to be perfect and a good role model, but I also believe that we can always improve. So while trying to be the person I want you boys to be I have developed a list of qualities that I want you to see daily so you can understand their importance.

1. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE: It is so easy to walk around being angry, but in the end that does nothing but hurt yourself. If you try your hardest to only focus on the things you love and the things that are good in your life you will find your heart full.

2. Forgive quickly...This is by far the biggest challenge for me because I am so much like my dad. Forgiveness is not something that comes easily to me but it is something I am working on. What is the point of holding a grudge when you can let it go. That doesn't mean you should forget the lessons it taught you.

3. Material things are NOT important. I have always given you boys the best. I am stating today that this will no longer be the case. While you will always wear clean nice clothes you will no longer have a new outfit everyday (This is a bit over exaggerated, but not much...). There is no need for a billion toys when you have these amazing imaginations that get more use than any object I could buy you.

4. Play... There will always be time to clean but we have so many limited beautiful days that we will take advantage of them 100%.

5. Work Hard. While playing is important it is also important to remember that in order to play you have to work hard on the other days.

6. Don't sweat the small stuff. Krew the other day you drew all over the recliner and in all honesty I just walked away. I wanted to yell I wanted to put you in time out, but I also knew that I would not put your feelings below a piece of furniture. I came back into the room a few minutes later after screaming into my pillow to hear you say, "Look at the e I drew mommy. Aren't you so proud of me?" At that moment I knew I made the right decision of walking away when I was angry. Don't get me wrong we had a very serious conversation afterward about writing on the couches.

7. Read. You can never read enough. You will find so much joy reading a book and losing yourself in the story.

8. Get out and move! While I have not made it to the gym nearly enough this summer I think I've done something much more important. I have showed you how to get exercise in your own back yard. We have spent hours running through the sprinklers, Daddy and I have strapped you on our backs and hiked the bridal trail, you've gone on walks every day. Needless to say I am glad I made the decision to spend this time with you.

9. Disagree respectfully. I think the reason your daddy and I work so well together is because we have very different opinions, but the majority of the time we disagree respectfully. This is also something I know I can do better on and I work on it daily, but you will know how to state your point without hurting feelings.

10. Give.  Your grandma is the picture of giving. I mean this in many different ways, and this is something I plan on showing you rather than telling you about.

There are a million other little things I want you to become, but right now I am choosing to focus on those 10 little traits and we will go from there. I have no doubt that you will become great men, but I also know that my role in who you become is much more important than I may have noticed. I promise to remember that you are always watching, and I hope you see something great!

XOXO,
Mommy

~3~

Dear Krew,
I cannot believe that tomorrow you will be 3 years old. You are such a big boy and mommy is so proud of you. Over the last year you have accomplished so much that I don't even know where to begin! Your biggest accomplishment is being 100% potty trained. YAHOO!!! You continue to be one of the sweetest little boys I know and play so good with all of your friends. You have a heart of gold and truly care for other people and animals. Whenever Kade cries you remind him that it is going to be ok and you are the first person to comfort him. The other day I got out of the shower and I heard you tell him, "It's okay Kader mommy is never going to leave us." While we were at the fair the other day you were so sad for the animals at the petting zoo and kept telling me and daddy they were starving and it wasn't nice. I think it is so funny how you have an intuition for things like that because you did not say a word about the 4-H animals because you just knew they were taken care of.

Not only do you have a heart of gold but you have brains that boggle my mind on a daily basis. It is so funny how fast you learn things when I am not aware of it. We have been going to science camp at the science zone and at your first lesson they taught you about the eye. I thought it was way over your head and just let you wrestle with Maddux the whole time. Then a week later we were driving and you said, "Mommy what color is your iris?" I told you brown and you said, "Yep and your pupil is black." I will never doubt how much you can take from a lesson again.

With both of these amazing attributes it does not surprise me one bit that playing doctor is one of your all time favorite games. When you fix one of your animals you take such care and talk to them in the sweetest voice. You then fix their problem and help your next patient.

Not only do you have brains and a beautiful heart but I must also mention just how handsome you are. When you sleep at night I still sit there and stare and your perfect little face and think about how there is not one thing I could change on you. Your smile stretches across your face and your laugh makes everyone laugh with you. Your blue eyes dance when you are doing something mischievous and your naughty little grin make it so hard to be mad. You are just flat AMAZING!!!


Krew I want you to know that mommy thinks the world of you and cannot imagine life without you. From the day you came into my life it has been brighter and full of love.
You have taught me so much over the last 3 years that have made me a better person.
Always remember sweet boy that you are loved by so many people, especially your mommy and daddy.

To the moon and back my big 3 year old!!
XOXO Mommy

So here are your answers to your birthday questions... I have to admit some took a little prodding and some I think you completely made up :-)



What is your favorite toy? "My dinosaurs"
What is your favorite show? "Jake"
What is your favorite food? "Apples"
What is your favorite thing to do with daddy? "I like fishing wif daddy"
What is your favorite thing to wear? "My skivvies"
What is your favorite game? "Hide and Seek wif daddy"
What is your favorite color? "Blue and Pink"
What is your favorite animal? "The Horses and cows and dogs and tigers and dinosaurs."
What is your favorite book? "This one" (How do Dinosaurs say Goodnight)
Who is your best friend? "My very best Parker and my best Maddux and my best Kade and my best cohen."
What is your favorite thing to do outside? "Play in the water"
What is your favorite drink? "JUICE"
What is your favorite holiday? "Santa Clause"
What is your favorite thing to sleep with? "My Riley" (Riley does not sleep with you....EVER)
What do you want to be when you grow up? "Catch the bad guys"
What is your favorite movie? "Rio"
What is your favorite thing to do with mommy? "I do not know....read books"
Where is your favorite place to go? "The Animal zoo"

All boy all the time

Fourth of July

This is by far my favorite holiday of the year.

BBQs with family.

Flags on nearly every house.

Patriotic shirts.

The amazing music that makes my eyes well up with tears. 

This is the holiday where I feel so proud of the country I live in.

I feel proud of my husband and our friends who serve it.

Not only our military friends but the police officers, firemen, teachers, nurses, and every other person who helps make this country great. 

May we always remember what an amazing place we live in and do our part to keep it great for our children.

God Bless America

You're My Best

Krew's most recent adorableness is to call the people his best ____.

We were at the science zone and he heard his buddy and yelled, "Mommy I hear my best Maddux." 

I seriously about died.

He now calls me his best mommy, Seth his best daddy, best brother, best Kasha, best grandma, best papa, best Mo, best Riley...you get the point.

However the other day we decided to take the boys on separate adventures so they could each enjoy undivided attention all day. Krew was off with Seth to go fishing and I stayed home with Kade.

That night when they were reunited they instantly became attached at the hip. Kade broke down crying for his brother when he went to the bathroom and was instantly relieved when he returned a few moments later. The next morning Krew woke up and didn't ask for me or Seth but wanted his tater chip. When Kade came into the room he wrapped his arms around him and said, "Kader you are my best buddy. I missed you so much when I was fishing."

Talk about melt a momma's heart! 

While I was thinking he just started call people his best ____ because he thought that's what you did, I now know it is because those people are his best.

The people he likes to be around.

But most importantly the people he loves.

He is my best Krew.

A Night To Remember

While I would say that parenting is always rewarding there are certain nights that take the cake.

Every night I lay in bed and think about how blessed I really am.

It doesn't matter if I played ref to fights all day or if we played outside all day.

The end result is the same. I am thankful.

Then every once in a while you get a moment that keeps you awake because you just can't believe you were lucky enough to be a part of it.

Last night was one of those nights. 

I took the boys to the CNFR and had a blast.

Melissa came with me and we met my mom, dad, sister, and Dustin there.

From the very beginning they showed their true personalities. 

Kade went nuts during the bareback, saddle bronc, and bull riding, while Krew love the calf roping and steer wrestling. 

This is typical because Krew is my calm play it safe kid while Kade is my jump of the couch just to see if I can baby. 

I probably looked like a lunatic with a cheesy smile on my face all night watching them. 

Kade would yell, "GO, GO, GO!" While pumping his fists the entire time. 

Krew would clap as hard as he could when, "The cowboys roped those cows." 

It was a moment that I felt truly blessed to watch my boys experience something new. 

I have also gotten a lot of leverage out of telling Krew, "Cowboys go pee in the potty, Cowboys clip their finger nails, Cowboys go to sleep on their own." I plan on taking this as far as I can! 

All in all it was one for the record books, one moment that when I tell my grand kids about their dads this story will be one of them.

These are the moments we remember. 

Kade and His Papa

 My little Cowboy

 Krew and his Mo

Boys, Boys, Boys

I have always felt in the know about boys. 

I grew up knowing I would only have boys because I understand them more. 

I get playing dirty, riding bikes all day, being obsessed with animals. 

I was that little girl that played with the boys and enjoyed it.

What I didn't know is this....

Monster trucks don't simply say, "rooom" they say, "VAROOOOOM" (as loud as possible)

Monster trucks no matter how small are never the "baby" monster truck, there is never a daddy monster truck, and there certainly is NOT a mommy monster truck.

(I made this mistake the other day and being corrected by a 2 year old is slightly humbling. The look on my husbands face was more appalled....but hey how was I to know.)

I did not know that anything and everything is a gun. This includes but is not limited to...

The hand, a hanger, blocks, sippy cups, very special monster trucks, sticks, and every once in a while an animal can do the trick.

I didn't know that rollie pollies would be joining me in the car on the way to school. 

I didn't realize it could take an hour to get to the park because we must stop at every ant hill to examine and then stomp. 

I never knew an alligator lived in my basement and that it is necessary to shoot it several times a day. 

Best buddies seriously wrestle from start of play date to the end? I watched Krew and Maddux (his buddy) wrestle for a good 2 hours the other night. The only pause was to eat a little.

What I do now know is I have a lot to learn about little boys, the correct sounds to make, what bugs are what,  and how to let them play rough.

This adventure is going to give me gray hair by the time I'm 30 but man it sure is fun!

If I'd have never met you...

So I'm in love with the Lee Brice song "Woman Like You."
Every time I hear it I think about life if I'd have never met HIM or rather them :-)
It is funny how you can think of all the things you could/would have if it weren't for a situation and here is my list:
1) I'd have a closet full of coach purses.
2) Not one mounted head in my house
3) I'd been in great shape
4) I'd have never heard of a million different types of guns.
5) I'd get a full nights sleep every night
6) I'd have furniture without baby handprints
7) I'd still be driving my old green Subaru.
I like him wouldn't trade a single day for a hundred the other way
1) One each season is enough for me,
2) I'm proud that my deer is bigger.
3) I wouldn't trade my babies for a whole nights sleep or the perfect body.
4) I love the way your eyes light up when you buy a new gun.
5) I never really liked that Subaru.
Honestly I do not know what I'd do if I never met a husband like him. 

Daddy's Girl

So anyone who knows me knows that I am a daddy's girl through and through.
It is as simple as this:
He has always been the person I looked to.
I look to him for approval, inspiration, advice.
Well this weekend he made my weekend with a simple text.
You see my dad is an outfitter and takes people hunting in the states of Wyoming and Montana.
This weekend he was in Detroit for the SCI banquet.
I was sitting on the couch Saturday night and got a text from him that simply said, "Lindsey and I are going to Manitoba for 7 days of fishing in the summer of 2013."
I was so confused by the way it was written I thought it wasn't meant for me, he made a mistake. So I called.....my mom!
She had apparently received the same text which then explained the way it was written.
After several more messages I was in tears and then the kicker text, "I always keep my promises."
When I was about 16 I told my dad for high school graduation I wanted to go to Canada to go fishing. Well then I became a senior in high school and decided I would go to Mexico with my friends instead (I chickened out and canceled my trip 3 weeks before).
I then tried to get my dad to take me to Canada instead.
I knew that wasn't going to happen so he told me if I got my Masters he would take me on my fishing trip.
Well this April I will be completing my Masters in Education and my daddy bought me my fishing trip for just him and I!
I am beyond excited because lets face it since I got married my husband has taken my place in the world of hunting, so to have this time with him is going to be great!
Let the shopping and planning begin!

Secret 1

Secret one I always knew about, but I guess I didn't get it. The Secret is a lovely one that makes me melt.....The secret is little boys love their mommy. I discovered this secret when I was an observer in my own life. You know that moment where you sit and watch as if you are behind one of those one way mirrors. I sat and watched as my boys had my husband on the ground wrestling him laughing until their tummies hurt. I noticed when they had enough my husband tried to turn the attack on me declaring, "Everyone Get Mommy!" My oldest son looked at his dad and said, "We don't hurt my mommy!"
That moment I knew he was forever on my side.

8 things to look forward to...

8. Spring Break is in 8 days! That means in eight days I get to hang with the family for an entire week!

7. My Masters program is over in 7 weeks! I cannot believe I did it! I did it with the support of amazing friends and I couldn't have imagined doing it with anyone else! We all worked hard and can take credit for our work.

6. There are 60 days of school left until Summer break! I know I'm all about the breaks! I really just can't wait for some good weather, bbq's with the friends, Krew's birthday, t-ball!!!, camping, branding, and time to relax!

5. Weddings, weddings, and more weddings! Along with the summer we currently have 6 weddings to attend that all happen to be two weeks apart. We are lucky that most are in town, but I am super excited to head to Cody to watch one of Seth's friends from the Marine Corps get married, and then Montana to see one of his high school friends tie the knot. However I will say I am most excited to see Ben and Mo get married. I feel like this wedding has been a long time coming and I guess I'm so excited because they were the last ones standing :-)

4. THE HUNGER GAMES! I know I am a complete dork but I am so excited to see these movies! I'm sure they are going to be nothing like the books so I'm not excited about that but it is always fun to watch books come to life and see what they are like.

3. Girls nights! Along with the great movies coming out I always get to go to dinner with some of the most awesome girls. We tend to be late to the movie or I guess miss it, but those are the best nights. The unplanned nights, the nights where complaints are filed, we get to act like we are carefree again, and then laugh about it for the next week.

2. The Color Run. Me and a BIG group of people are planning on doing the color run in Denver the last weekend in May. It is a 5k that supports the children's hospital in Denver. This is going to be a fun filled weekend with some of my favorite people.

1. Krew in preschool next year. This is probably my favorite thing about the upcoming months. My little guy is going to be walking the halls of Grant next year. I will admit putting him in my school has me nervous, but I think it should be fun to have him around.

The Problem With...

The Problem with losing weight is pants you love becoming too big
and then not wanting to buy new ones because you still want to lose.

The Problem with naming your kid with a unique name is people begin to realize how awesome it is and start using it themselves.

The Problem with going to Vegas is the week before being filled with anxiety about leaving your sweet babies.

The Problem with having a two year old sleep with you is you always have a sore spot in your back where he pushed his feet all night.

The Problem with working out is not only do you have work clothes to wash, but workout clothes, extra towels from showering, and PJ's. That makes a boat load of laundry....

The Problem with a husband that works shift work is children who see their dad only if they wake up before 6:30 which then in turn causes a mom trying to get ready while two little ones shout demands every thirty seconds.

The Problem with teaching is having no control over what happens after 3:30, before 8:30, and after May 30.

The Problem with living in the same town as your family is you tend to take advantage of babysitters.

The best part of losing said weight is regaining confidence that has been missing the last 2.5 years.

The best part of having a "Krew" is knowing that his name has actual meaning to his dad and I not just a cool name.

The best part of going to Vegas is getting some much needed time with my husband so we can remember who Seth and Lindsey are.

The best part of having a two year old sleep with you is how he wraps his arms around you in the middle of the night to make sure you haven't left.

The best part about having a husband who works shift work is he gets 3-4 days off every week to be a "stay at home dad." Which means he has a relationship with our boys that other dads can only envy.

The best part of teaching is for those 9 1/2 months from 8:30-3:30 you can make a difference even if it isn't as big as you had hoped.

The best part of living in the same town as your family is Sunday night dinners.

The moral with the story is while lately I have been a negative Nancy and only looking at the problem with EVERYTHING. I mean seriously I have cried over everything this week. That being said my goal for next week is I am planning on looking at only the best part of things even when that can be really hard. I am thankful for my problems when I know they could be SO much worse.

{15 & 30}

15 and 30 months...
No I don't still count your age in months Krew, but this month was a little special.
The one time in your life you are exactly double Kade.
Kade the one time in your life you are exactly half of Krew's age.
It is so funny how a mommy's big boy is just that and her baby is always a baby.
I called you (Kade) my baby the other day and your dad sternly reminded me you are a toddler.
I disagree! If you are 15 months or 30 years old you will always be my baby.

Krew I'm not sure if it's because you are the oldest or what but you seemed so big 15 months ago.
I remember after Kade was born I gave you a pack of muffins and set you on the couch.
15 months next to a newborn you may as well have been 18 in my eyes.
Well the muffins ended crumbled all over the couch, on the floor, in your hair, and maybe a few bites in your tummy.
That little moment reminded me that you were still a baby.
I can't help but feel like I stole baby years from you by having your brother so close to you. I swore from that day on I would remind myself and everyone you were still a baby too.
However you had other thoughts.
You were the big brother from October 19th on.
I say the 19th because I'm pretty sure you thought we would take Kade back for the entire first week. :-)
You took on a role that makes this mommy so proud.
You are
Protective: you can pick on Kade all you want but NO ONE else can.
Caring: I love how you tell him when he is upset, "It's okay Tater no cryin'!"
In Love: The other night you looked at me and said, "I love tater so much." and I know you do buddy.
Bossy: You have no problem telling him what to do "share tater", "go night night tater", "Nice touches tater" and oh so many more....
Thank you Krew for being you!

Kade you on your 15 month birthday are the most hilarious little boy.
You are mean, loving, loud, cuddly, and smart.
You love to brush your teeth. All The Time!
You make me sit down and then plop right down in my lap.
You love dogs. (No surprise there)
You kiss the dogs, hug the dogs, and when I'm not looking lick the dogs....
You are sleeping good again! Thank goodness.
You still make Daddy put you down.
Papa is your most favorite person in the world.
(I'm still trying to figure out how all the grand kids go right to him.)
You Eat, and eat, and eat
I'm not kidding when I say that you eat all the time.
I think you went through a growth spurt and I'm excited to see how much you've grown the last 3 months because all that eating had to go somewhere right?
You say mama, dada, dog, dede (Your brothers name for blanket), nana (banana), ball
You sign more and please.
Give kisses away for free.
Most importantly you smile all the time.
Thank you Kader for being my baby and making my heart smile everyday!

I love you two more than words but as Buzz would say, "To infinity and beyond."

XOXO,
Mommy

Ahhh Where Does Time Go?!?!

I have totally been absent for what 3 months now!?!?
What have I been doing?
I been with you boys.
We've been learning to walk.
Building forts.
Reading books, lots of books.
Learning to be nice, not hit, not bite, share.....
These last three months have been wonderful
I have witnessed you two become so close.
Kade, you have made a complete 180.
You are the sweetest little boy who loves everyone.
When daddy works nights you always try to break into the room to wake him during the day.
He has to be the one to put you to bed, but I have to be the one who gets you out.
You love your new school and have finally taken to it.
Krew you have become more of a little boy than toddler.
This year you knew what Santa was all about and couldn't wait to see the surprises he brought you.
You are working on the potty training, and truly it is hit or miss.
I think we might lay off for a while....
You are very much into MINE :-)
You tell everyone how much you love them.
You two are by far the most amazing little guys and I can't wait to see what amazing things you accomplish this year!
I will do my best to keep my online journal to never forget these precious moments.
However I will not waste time on here when I can be snuggling with you, so forgive me if my entries are spotty!